honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
