His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
