I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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