If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
