capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
