A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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