I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
