...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
