dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
