I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
