I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
