You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
