just tell him i said nine months
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
