It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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