I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
