I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
