do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
