She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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