We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
