My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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