I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
