You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
