i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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