they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
