you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
