Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
