Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
