I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize