He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
