I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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