i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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