why didn't you poke me back
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize