They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
