did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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