Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
