I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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