How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
