i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize