The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
