i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
