I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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