are you so shy because you have an std?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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