I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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