Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
