This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
