What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
