SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
