In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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