i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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