Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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