girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
