People in love make me want to vomit
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
