You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
