So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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