She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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