Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
