I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
