dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Randomize
