i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
