I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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