Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
