Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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